I need to finish writing about Liz's bio brother.

For convenience I will continue to use the following: AM-adoptive mother; AD-adoptive dad; AS-adopted son; MD-my daughter.

MD apparently had contacted a private adoption agency. Based on the information they gave, she chose a very well-off Christian family. The AM and AD were in their middle forties and had one biological child, a two and a half year old boy. MD requested that the adoption be "open" as she wanted Liz to know her brother. The adoptive parents readily agreed to this; I believe they also preferred an "open" adoption.

After the necesary phone calls among the AM, the AD, MD and the adoption agency, it was arranged for the AM and the AD to pick up MD and the baby and take them to a hospital to be checked out. MD was to relinquish the baby to the AD and AM at the hospital. MD and the baby checked out OK; however, blood work on the baby was positive for crystal methedrine. As the baby was 4 days old and any drugs he had in his system at birth would have been out of his body after 3 days, this showed that MD had been using crystal methedrine and nursing the baby.

AM called me when the baby was a few weeks old; plans were made for Liz and I to go to their home for dinner. AM called me a few times before the dinner took place; during one of these calls she asked if I minded if they video taped Liz and I from the time we arrived at their home. I asked that we just keep it low key, I explained that I knew how happy they were about the baby but the other side of it, my side, was not all joy and happiness. I had not only lost my daughter to drugs but now my grandson and in spite of "open adoption", I still felt the lost. I was sad. AM also asked me, prior to meeting in person, what would happen to Liz in the event of my death. She told me she had told her husband "that's my little girl." I remember this clearly, it's not the kind of thing one forgets; AM told me her husband responded "you've got a lot of nerve."

The dinner was fine, we communicated in a comfortable manner. One statement made by the AM was "we wanted to adopt another child because we did want (their bio son) to be an only child". This was stated several times.

Following our first meeting, I, at times, felt overwhelmed by the AM. It felt like she wanted to take over Liz's and my lives. I at times felt "pushed" and even "bullied". I thought this was "my problem", i.e., that I was over reacting due to the circumstances.

The first year after we met I made a sincere effort to participate in outings and gatherings with the AD, AM and their two sons. After a year or so, I found myself making excuses to not attend these events. I always felt insulted and felt that the AM was critical of Liz. Something the AM repeatedly said to me over the past 3 plus years was "I've never met an only child I like." She would say this in reference to Liz; we would be exchanging "cute" stories about the kids and she would always put a negative spin on anything Liz had done. One example of this is when I told the AM that Liz, after watching Christmas Carolers, was invited on stage to sing Jingle Bells with them. I was rather surprised and pleased that Liz (age 4) went on stage and sang with them-I thought it showed confidence and enjoyment of the music. The AM responded "oh, yes, 'look at me, look at me'--I've never met an only child yet that I like." Liz isn't perfect but she deserves a chance and the AM wouldn't give her a chance, ever. In phone conversations, the AM would tell me how her sons were doing, then ask about Liz. Without fail, when I would start to tell her, she would say "I hate to do this, but I have to get off the phone."

When Liz did well in school and received high marks on her report card, it was only because she "attended a public school and their standards are low." Of course, AD/AM's bio son attends a private school; their AS will also attend the private school when he is school age. As she has told me repeatedly "money is not an issue".

Currently, I am unemployed. In the past, I worked parttime while liz was at school. Every phone conversation with the AM included the inquiry "are you working fulltime yet? are you looking for fulltime work?" I've never asked them for money nor would I ever accept money from them. I am a single, old mom; I do not have a husband or a nanny to help me (the AM has both). I have an extremely ADHD child. I'm trying, really, really trying to take proper care of all areas of our lives.

I once told the AM my belief about giving--that if one gives somebody something one just gives it and walks away expecting nothing in return. Otherwise, it's not really giving. She disagreed "not necessarily" and went on to explain what to me is bartering, not giving.

A few months ago the AM confronted me regarding my avoidance, lack of participation, etc. I shared my feelings with her, in particular, my feelings regarding her attitude towards Liz. She readily agreed that she doesn't like only children and stated that she knows several only children none of whom she likes.

I've decided, for the time being, to terminate contact with the adoptive family. Liz and her bio brother can choose when they are older to have/not to have a relationship. Liz has many challenges in her life that aren't optional; why choose another challenge that contains so much negativity?

I could write so much more about the AM and AD. It's, I believe, more productive to focus on Liz and the many challenges in our lives.