So much of the time it feels like it's just Liz and I alone, on our own. I believe it feels this way because that's the way it is.

I scrutinize our lives, in particular, my own behaviors. Am I doing something to make it be this way, i.e., Liz and myself alone and on our own? Is it Liz's ADHD behavior and her Asperger limited social skills and my inability to help her adequately in these areas? Is it my age and lack of energy/youth? Is it my lack of financial resources? A combination of all of these?

Perhaps it feels this way for all single moms, not just grandmothers of special need kids. Perhaps, in some ways it is this way for single parents. When there are unique circumstances that sets the parent/child apart from the norm, this "aloneness" is intensified. The more unique the circumstances and the greater the quanity of differences, the greater the feeling of being alone and on one's own.

I believe there are solutions yet if financial resources are limited many of these solutions are not available. There are support groups and low/no cost recreational activities.

Unfortunately, often the solution is increased income. Single grandmothers of ADHD children often do not have either the time or energy for full time employment. These children have so many appointments and there is the cost of appropriate childcare. Also, it is a challenge to find appropriate care for a special needs child.

The sentiment towards adoptive grandparents is often "well, nobody made her do it--she knew what she was getting into". This is both true and not true. Special needs children aren't diagnosed as babies. Morally, when reunification becomes impossible with the biological parents and the baby has bonded with the relative caregiver, to throw the baby into the foster care system is wrong. These babies have been through a great deal at the youngest age. They have been through a great deal while in the womb prior to birth.

This is, by far, the most difficult and challenging job of my life. It is not respected and the pay is minimal. Still, Liz is worth it.